Things You Can do on Halloween When you're a millenial stuck living at home

Living at home after college can be hard for a lot of reasons, but a huge one is that depending where you live, you may not have a social life you can build. Let me tell you, friends, suburban CT is not a good place for you if you want to have a social life as a millenial living at home. Living at home can be especially tough when you see your long-distance friends doing fun things, especially for holidays you used to celebrate together like Halloween, so this post is for all my fellow millenials stuck at home for Halloween.

Here are some things I've thought of that you might want to do this Halloween if you're stuck at home with no social life but want to get into that spoopy Halloween spirit:

1. Watch some scary movies. This is an obvious one, but marathoning some horror movies definitely sounds like a lot of fun. My picks would be Insidious, The Descent, Oculus, and of course the Scream movies, because you've got to have a decent slasher classic in there.

2. Get a bag of Halloween candy and let your sugar cravings run wild. I may not be doing this because I don't really have extra money to spend on things like candy, but I might run to Walgreens tomorrow and pick up some of my favorite candy-shaped things just for funsies.

3. Read some spoopy books. Maybe this will only appeal to me, but while I watch horror movies, I also like to read, and pairing a spoopy movie with a spoopy YA horror sounds like a pretty decent Halloween night plan to me. On my list of spoopy books to read are The Wicker King and The Hollow Girl. First I need to finish The November Girl, though, so let's hope I get on that between the time I write this post and Halloween night, although I think that one is going to be at least a little spoopy as well.

4. Make some fun fall cocktails. I have a giftcard from my birthday to Total Wine and a collection of fall cocktail recipes on my bookmarks bar, so I might stock up on cocktail makey things for a boozy Halloween evening as well. Plus, if you're a little schnackered, the scary movies might not be quite as terrifying.

5. Marathon a horror TV anthology. I've been rewatching AHS: My Roanoke Nightmare, and might continue it tomorrow. I've also started Channel Zero, which is pretty good, and have been considering giving Slasher a try since it's on Netflix and therefore easy to access. But we shall see, what with all the other spoopy movie plans above (take a shot of a Halloween cocktail every time I use the word "spoopy" in this post).

6. Make scary Halloween treats! Candy is fun for sure, but if you're like me and love a good round of baking, find some recipes for Halloween-themed treats and get cookin'!

What are you doing this Halloween?

Things that are making me happy

I'll be honest: I've been struggling lately. I'm putting a ton of pressure on myself at my internship to be perfect, which I know is unreasonable because it's an internship and everyone I'm working with there has made it clear that it's supposed to be a learning experience and I'm allowed to make mistakes, but I'm always harder on myself than anyone else could possibly be because that's how I've always been. Seeing all the #metoo things have also been hard, even if it's been kind of affirming in a weird way to know I'm not alone in my experiences, but it's also been bringing up hard, old feelings of wondering whether my experiences are valid enough and reflecting on how much they have changed me and how I see myself.

So, it's been hard to see the positive in things. Most days I feel like my main accomplishment is getting myself to go to work and be a functional, useful person there or not breaking down in general. I wanted to write this post to remind myself that there are positive things happening for myself, and maybe to remind other people that positive things in life don't have to be major, life-changing events, but can also be little, simple things.

1. Playing violin. This, other than singing loudly in the car and at home, is honestly what's making me the happiest right now other than my boyfriend. I took up playing violin again recently after a 10 year break, and even though I'm somewhat terrible, I'm playing it simply because it brings me joy. All I have to feel when I'm playing is the joy it brings me, and I don't have to think about how good I am or compare myself to others or even my own skill level when I last stopped playing. It's the one thing in my life I feel I can do with zero pressure and pure joy, and I'm so glad my mom had it fixed for me because it's really helping me.

2. My boyfriend. My boyfriend is basically Jack from this is us, minus the drinking problems and mysterious death and jealousy issues. He is so, so, SO supportive of me and never loses patience even when I hash out the same issues with him again and again, and always has my back. Knowing that he's proud of me and thinks I'm doing a lot is so comforting, even if I can't always believe it, because his opinion and affirmations mean the world to me. He means the world to me, and having his love and support is exactly what I need right now.

3. Exercising. I've been either going to the gym to read on the stationary bike or trying to get 10,000 steps per day, and each time I do one of those things, I feel very accomplished and like I'm gaining some sense of control back over my body, which is one of the things I feel like I lost as a result of my #metoo experiences. I love checking off "worked out" on my self-care chart and feel a huge sense of accomplishment when I do it because I used to hate working out and couldn't force myself even to take a walk, so it feels like a big deal to me.

4. Reading. I finally broke my 3-star reading streak and have been reading some great YA books and continuing to read great poetry. I finished my Goodreads challenge, which earlier in the year I switched from 75 books to 50, but now I'm hoping I can at least get to 70 before the end of the year. Reading has always been a major release for me, and it continues to do that.

5. Fun, little things at my internship. Even though it's been a major source of emotional stress, there are a lot of things about the internship at the library that I enjoy. Every book I've recommended we buy to the teen librarian has gone into the book cart, so I'm contributing a lot to collection development with my vast YA knowledge, which makes me feel very proud of myself and my knowledge of the materials. I also had a lot of fun with the director, the teen librarian, and the head of the children's department making a very creepy scarecrow of Where's Waldo for the town scarecrow contest. Who knew community engagement could be so...creepy?

6. My retail job. Of course there are things I don't like about it, such as not having a set schedule because that makes me anxious, but overall, I've been surprised by how much I genuinely enjoy working in retail. It's not what I want to do long-term, but it's another place where I don't feel as much pressure to be perfect because it's not my career, which in turn actually allows me to perform better because I'm not scared to try new things and fail. I genuinely like helping people feel good about themselves through clothes, and I love the clothes I have to sell, which helps, and the clients are mainly older women, who I tend to get along great with because I am an old soul at heart. It's very easy to be nice to people and help them when you understand their reasons for shopping at a place, and very gratifying to see them leaving feeling good and excited about things you helped them find.

7. My babies. By which I mean my cats, because ew, I do not want my own babies. I just want to read to other people's babies and teach parents about early literacy, then hand the cute babies back to them at the end of the program, please. But the cats are always helpful and adorable and bring me so much happiness, even when Jaeda climbs on my computer while I'm trying to blog or do school work or watch Netflix. Cat cuddles are so comforting and lovely, and I will be very sad when I move out and can't afford to have cats for a while.

What are some things that make you happy during tough emotional times?

Birchbox Review: September

I've been meaning to do a review of my first BirchBox since I got it at the end of September and the day is finally here! For those who don't know, BirchBox is a $10/month beauty subscription box that lets you try 5 different beauty product samples each month. My mom got a six month subscription for me as a gift, and I was so thrilled since I had been really wanting to try it due to my newfound interest in makeup and skincare.

So, without further ado, let's check out what was in my first box:

The first item in my box was Eyeko Skinny Liquid Eyeliner. I don't wear eyeliner basically at all, but sometimes want to experiment with it, so a small sample eyeliner is exactly what I needed. I thought the brush was really nice and drew a great line, and the application of the eyeliner was really easy. The line was the perfect thickness, since I like my eyeliner to be on the thinner side, and it went on really smoothly. If I wore eyeliner more often, I would definitely purchase a full size of this product. 

The next item in my box was an anti-aging serum, which I was not thrilled about because I am 24 and don't use that kind of product at this point. However, my mom tried it and said it made her skin burn, so I would not recommend this one.

An item I wasn't sure about on first look was the Amika Bombshell Blowout Spray, because I do not blowdry my hair and I said that in my profile, so I felt like BirchBox didn't really use my profile to personalize my box enough. However, you can also use it on dry hair for more texture and volume, so I did give it a try, and I ended up really liking it. It also provides a very nice, light hold which is perfect for me since I don't do much to style my hair except push it to the side and give it a bit of texture, which is exactly what this does. I will definitely be buying this product in a full size once my sample runs out and I have the funds to do so.

I was excited about the Beauty Protector Protect and Oil hair product because I've been using my samples of the Moroccan Oil a lot lately and feel like it's really been helping my hair look nice and smooth and healthy. This product is supposed to also protect against UV rays and heat damage, which is good for me since my hair is a very light red right now. Would definitely recommend this product.

I wasn't excited about the Vasanti Eye Wonder 2.0 eye cream product because I've ever used an eye cream before, but I did give it a shot and it really worked at lightening the dark circles under my eyes, so I ultimately ended up being happy with it. It's something I would never have thought to try out on my own, which is why I wanted to try BirchBox in the first place, so I'm glad I gave this product a chance even though I wasn't happy about it at first. I don't know if I would buy a full size of this, but I'll certainly use it on days when the dark circles are particularly bad.

Other than the anti-aging cream, I'd say my first BirchBox was a success, and I'm very pleased I'll get to try it out again for the next five months. I love discovering new beauty products and want to discover more haircare products, so I'm really looking forward to getting to try new things. Plus, everything is small enough that I can travel easily with it if I want to spritz anything up while I'm visiting my boyfriend over the next few months before I move down to him. If you've been considering BirchBox, I highly recommend it and think it's a really fun way to try and discover new things!

October Goals

It's October! That means it's finally fall, hopefully with cooler weather than we've been having, Halloween, the release of the second season of Stranger Things, and a ton of new books coming out.

To start out, let's recap my September goals and see how I did:

1. Lose 4 pounds. I did not do this. I have been feeling really overwhelmed by pretty much everything for the past two weeks and this means I have let my healthy eating fall way to the wayside. I'm almost at the weight I want to be for my first mini-goal, but I really need to focus on eating healthfully again this month.

2. Read 5 books. I did this.

3. Submit to some poetry contests. I did not do this because of financial reasons and wanting to save money.

4. Start a library feature on the blog. The first Library Chronicles post went up on Friday!

5. Participate in Bloggiesta. I did this.

6. Write more of Queer Bookish Novel. I wrote once this month in addition to the poetry writing, so I guess I somewhat accomplished this.


Now, here are my goals for October...

1. Be stricter about eating well. I really want to get back to the weight I was at the end of August and surpass it and continue losing more, so I definitely need to get back on track with eating healthfully. I've come across a lot of yummy-sounding healthy recipes so that will probably help. I'm also going to try not to stuff myself when I go out to eat with my boyfriend when I see him in two weeks so I can maintain steady weight loss.

2. Write at least once a week. It can be more poetry for the Poetrygram, more of my novel, or whatever, but I want to set aside a chunk of time to write at least once per week this month.

3. Relax more and work on anxiety coping skills. For the past two weeks, I've basically been an anxious, stressed out, overwhelmed wreck. I've mostly been coping with it by giving into my sugar cravings, which is not good for goal #1, drinking lots of tea, walking, and reading. It hasn't really helped though, and I know I need to get better at calming my anxiety when it overtakes me, especially about work-related things so I don't go into my internship or actual job feeling generally terrified and unable to do things, because I want to be able to put myself out there. I also want to work on just relaxing, which I try to do a lot but hardly ever end up feeling truly relaxed. I want October to be a quieter, calmer month for me with fewer stressful things and unexpected emotion crushers, which I know I can't always control, but I still want it to happen.

4. Go to the gym more regularly. I'd been doing really great at this for a couple months after getting a gym membership, but again, the past couple of weeks have really killed me and I've had a hard time leaving the house for anything other than work or the internship. However, I want to focus on being healthy again and that includes fitness, so back to the gym it is.

5. Participate in Dewey's 24-hour Read-a-Thon. I love doing read-a-thons, and this 24 hour one is one I've been doing for the past couple years. I'll probably be working for at least 4 hours on the day of the event, which takes place on October 21, but I'll try to read as much as I can in my remaining 20 hours and try to stay up for the whole thing!

6. Read 2 October eARCs and 1 November release. I'm terrible at keeping up with my eARCs and ARCs, so this month I'm shooting for reading a couple October releases I have on my Kindle and getting ahead by reading at least one book releasing in November.

Easy Ways to Treat Yourself

I feel like the concept of treating oneself is one that has taken off in more recent years along with the self-love/self-care movements that have popped up. It's also fall, which is one of my personal favorite seasons, but what can be a stressful season for a lot of people, so it seems like a good time to talk about easy, inexpensive to free ways you can treat yourself. Treating yourself doesn't have to be about going on a huge shopping spree and spending all of your most recent paycheck; it can be about simple things that might not seem like self-care or treating yourself on a first look, but will feel like it during a particularly stressful time.

1. Take a nap. Obviously for people who work full time this is probably more difficult, but I am still a big advocate and fan of naps. Napping doesn't even have to be full-on falling asleep; you can even just lie down somewhere under a cozy blanket for ten or fifteen minutes and then get up feeling a little more relaxed than you did before. Naps also don't have to be hours and hours to be effective, which is something I struggle with since I'm only employed part-time currently and feel like I can sleep as much as I want to, even though I know in my head I don't need a lot of sleep. Naps can be less than an hour and still leave you feeling refreshed, so if you have the time, desire, and ability to nap, go for it!

3. Have a cup of tea. You don't have to spend thousands of dollars on Teavana tea to enjoy a nice hot cup of tea, either. Sipping on a cup of tea always makes me feel instantly more relaxed and soothes my anxiety if only for the duration of the cup. Plus, it smells good and makes you feel all warm on the inside.

4. Cuddle a pet. I do have extra cuddly cats, but I still feel like they always know when I need a little extra attention. Sitting with, playing with, cuddling, or petting a cat or dog is definitely a calming activity, and if you already have a pet, you've got easy access to a very comforting way of treating yourself.

5. Light a candle. I don't do this as often as I think I'd like to, but when I do, it's always very relaxing. Even lighting a candle while you're doing something productive can make whatever you're doing seem a little less stressful with a calming glow and scent curling around you. Just make sure to blow out the candle if you leave the room!

Social Media Detox Round 2

Last summer, I decided to take a break from social media, and managed to stay off Facebook and Twitter for a little over a month. I needed a break because of everything that was happening with the election and all the depressing news, but also because I was starting to develop an unhealthy relationship with social media in that I was comparing my life to what seemed like the perfect, successful lives of people I don't even talk to in real life. I'm at that age where everyone is getting full time jobs, moving out of their parents' houses, getting engaged and getting pregnant, and sometimes, it's super easy to look at your own life and feel like you're doing it wrong.

Taking that break was honestly the most freeing, best thing I had done for myself in a while at that point, and when I did come back to social media, I felt much more refreshed and willing to not look at myself compared to everyone else as critically. However, it seems that I'm starting down that road again, and with all the new responsibilities I have with my library internship, new job, and position on a school organization, it's getting harder to not compare my life to other people's.

That's why I've decided to take yet another Facebook break. I don't need to hear everyone's opinions on current events or read about ANOTHER person getting engaged, so I'm taking a step back and eliminating my Facebook time altogether. Still, I think in this political climate it's really important to keep up with the news, so I'm still going to be on Twitter, and obviously I'm going to continue blogging. Twitter can be a mixed bag, but sometimes in the midst of all the horrible real-life things happening, good things can happen too, like author campaigns to raise money for hurricane victims and posi-bots and cute animal accounts, so it seems safe to remain on the Twitters for now.

I'm not sure how long this Facebook break will last, and it will probably be hard at first to maintain, but since I've done it before I know it will benefit me in the long run and hopefully leave me feeling more relaxed in my day-to-day life.

Have you ever done a social media detox? How did it effect your day-to-day life and emotional state?

Things I've Done Well This Year

I think in a world where so much bad is happening, it's easy to look at yourself and see only the negative things. As a person with anxiety and depression, it's even easier for me to look at myself and only see the negatives because that's my default, and I worry so much about doing everything right that even the smallest things can make me feel like I'm failing. Since I've had a couple weeks of being really anxious and down on myself, I've decided to write this reflective post about things I've done so far this year that I think I've been doing well, so I can go back and look at it and remind myself that even if the glass is half empty or completely empty, it can always be refilled, and to hopefully inspire other people to reflect on what they've been doing well, too.


1. Reaching out to friends when I need help. This has always been hard for me, because I am a person who feels like she has to do everything herself, otherwise I'm failing or not trying hard enough. For the past few months though, I've been trying to get better at emailing my friends when I'm in a rough patch. I still have a ways to go before actually feeling comfortable doing this, but I've been improving and trying, and that's what counts.

2. Taking control of my health. I've finally been making a real effort to change my diet and eat more healthfully, drink more water, and exercise more. My mom got me a gym membership that I've tried to utilize at least four times per week for half an hour, and I have to admit, I do feel better after I exercise. Plus, if I use the stationary bike, I can do that and read and listen to music while I'm on it, so I even get to have fun while exercising.

4. Doing things that make me feel more "me." I took out my violin after 10 years of not playing and am currently having it refurbished so I can start playing it for fun again. I've been thinking about taking it up again since it was my first instrument because I always feel sad when I hear pretty violin music that I don't play anymore. I'm also trying to play flute more often, since that was one of my majors in college. I also took up blogging again because being a book blogger was part of my identity for so long, and I don't feel complete without it.

5. Doing things that are hard for me. When I started my library internship, there were a lot of things I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do because of my anxiety. However, after just a couple weeks, I already feel much more confident asserting myself and my ideas, asking questions, and participating in library activities. I also went to an open house last week and felt perfectly comfortable talking to people about what's going on at the library, even though I was nervous about it at first. I've also come up with my first program idea, and I've been planning and implementing that, which has increased my confidence in my abilities as well. I'm realizing that things I thought would be hard for me actually aren't, because it's what I really want to do, and I'm working toward a career I truly belong in.

6. Practicing self-care. One of my first posts was about how I track self-care activities in my bullet journal, and doing that has made me much more aware of big ways and small ways to take care of myself. I practice at least 5 self-care activities per day on average, and I think that's pretty good. Sometimes it can be hard to practice being nice to yourself when you're struggling, but I think I've been doing quite well with that all year, even when things have been really difficult.

September Goals

It's September! Can you believe it's September? I can't believe it's September. Even though September 1st technically isn't fall yet, I consider all of September-November to be fall, which means it's my my favorite season! Time for lots of evening tea times, snuggling under fuzzy blankets with cuddly cats, getting busy with school again, and sweaters. God, I love sweaters. And plaid. Fall = plaid time, and bring me a hot queer girl or cute boy in plaid any day, yes please and thanks.

I've decided to make a list of monthly goals for myself on this blog both for fun purposes and holding myself accountable for the things I want to do. So, welcome to the first monthly goals post at The Cuddly Teapot!

Here are some of my September goals:

1. Lose 4 pounds. I've been doing great with weight loss so far and am almost at my first mini-goal, so I want to continue in that direction and keep exercising at the gym, aiming for 10,000 steps per day, 30+ "active minutes" on FitBit, and eating relatively healthfully.

2. Read 5 books. I was stunned that I managed to read 7 books last month. That's the most I've read in a month all year, and I really want to keep that trajectory going. The first book on my September list? They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera!

3. Submit to some poetry contests. I've been loving writing poems for my poetry Instagram, bluepenpoems, and I want to encourage myself to write more by submitting things to a few contests, where I could maybe even earn some money and get published if I win!

4. Start a library feature on the blog. I really want to share my journey and thoughts concerning librarianship somewhere, and this blog seems like a great place to do it. I'm planning to start a feature called "The Library Chronicles," where I talk about what I'm doing at my internship, how school is going, and respond to various happenings in the library world.

5. Participate in the mini-Fall Bloggiesta from September 21-24. I want to make this blog look more professional, add an About Me page, solidify my brand and my topics of post, etc. I also want to write some mini-reviews of the books I read last month, and Bloggiesta is always a great time to accomplish blog-ish goals and tasks.

6. Write more of Queer Bookish Novel. I've been distracted by poetry lately and scared of getting back to this book because it's emotionally intense for me, but I really want to write at least some of this novel. I really like the direction it's heading in so far, but the challenge for me is just to get a draft on paper and not worry about it being super perfect. That's what revising is for!

How I Practice Self-Care

"Self-care" has definitely become a kind of buzz word (or words, I guess) for (admittedly probably privileged) millenials, but as a person with anxiety and depression, it's something I take very seriously. I started bullet journaling last year and was super inspired by people's habit trackers, and decided to make a self-care tracker for myself both as a way to motivate myself to do some easy self-care tasks and to see how well I take care of myself on a regular basis.

Self-care doesn't have to be big things or things that cost money like a massage or a face mask or anything like that. I have a variety of levels of self-care on my self-care charts, from easy things like making my bed, accomplishing my daily tasks, and doing my makeup to things I do less often like treating myself to something nice, though on some days I even count things like watching Netflix as treating myself. I think it is really important for people to practice self-care in our society that's encourages constant busy-ness and stress, but I definitely understand that when you're struggling to get by day to day or living paycheck to paycheck that self-care can fall to the wayside.

I sometimes alternate what goes on my self-care chart depending on things I start doing more or less often. For example, I used to have "drank tea" on my self-care charts in the winter, but in the summer months I've added an "other" row for things that include drinking tea, but also other little things like going to therapy, taking a nap when I need one, or other miscellaneous self-care tasks. 

I even think filling in my self-care chart itself is a self-care activity, because it's gratifying to see that I've done nice things for myself throughout the day. Plus, using pretty colors to fill in the squares on my chart make it look pretty, too, which makes it very visually satisfying. 

I also recently discovered a habit tracker on Pinterest called "year in pixels" that tracks your daily moods. The one I saw was just a mood tracker, but I decided to add it to my self-care chart to make things more compact and easier to keep track of. When I first started the mood tracker, I was still in the throws of anxiety and depression, so I only had good days, pretty good days, okay days, bad days, anxiety, and depression listed in my color key, but as I've recovered, I've added more nuanced emotions as well:

I think tracking one's mood is also a really good way to watch out for warning signs of mental health issues. If there are a lot of days in a two week or month-long span that are anxious or depressed days, that might mean there's something to be concerned about. Tracking my mood like this has also been extremely useful in showing me how I've been recovering, as I rarely fill in my Year in Pixels boxes with "anxiety" or "depression" colors anymore. 

Keeping track of my self-care habits has shown me that there are lots of ways for a person to practice self-care, and some don't even require that much effort or money, which is especially good for me since I'm still on the job hunt. Self-care can be fun or it can be boring, but even the boring things like making your bed can make you feel like you've done something useful, and keeping track of that is a good way to acknowledge little successes every day.